I don't know if you know who you are, until you lose who you are

 Part II

Look into my eyes. Tell me the truth. Tell me why are you like that. I want to hear all you have always wanted to say but never have. I am anxious, I am eager to know about it, come on, tell me. Let's stop the world now. Let's undress our souls now. Let's release this anguish we have hidden inside. Let's liberate these emotions. Let's turn it into love. Into art. Into inspiration. Love can fight the world, right? Strength can struggle everything. Togetherness. But first, tell me, please, let me end this misery, you know the process is painful. Pain always makes you grow, learn, makes you see the world in a different way. But you have to understand it, you have to know why you are broken. Broken people can teach you a lot, don't you agree? Why are you broken? Why do you shut yourself off? Come on, hurry up, wake up. Life is beautiful but also short. 

Don't apologise for who you are. Never ever.


Someone that I can count on and knows

Now I understand what's going on, it's very human to look for support, at least one person that listens to us when we need to talk, somebody who makes us feel better about our life choices, even though they don't always agree with us. Somebody who is happy for our achievements and holds our hand when we are trying to bear up during adversities and failures.
Isn't it awesome to have somebody who is always willing to hear what's inside our minds? That's priceless. Some people think communicating is difficult, so we expect the other to act in consequence ,without us telling them what we actual need. It's like a dead end street. We don't talk, people don't know how to address the possible issues hung in the air, and we end up thinking they don't support us. However, if people don't know what we need or how to approach us, is okay, it doesn't necessarily mean they don't love us, or they don't care. We tend to think the world revolves around ourselves, and  that only our problems matter. But nobody can read our minds, can't they? why is everything so difficult then?


Have I known you twenty seconds or twenty years?

You know what? Okay, I'll stop, I'm strong enough to let you make the first movement. I feel  completely confident for the first time ever. However I feel everything so intensely that sometimes it causes me an incessant overwhelming burst of feelings and that makes me feel tired as hell if I don't stop it on time. I have to be cautious. Sometimes it feels like a nightmare, not knowing where all this is gonna end, as for me it feels different. From my point of view it feels like having something on my chest that won't stop growing and growing each day, like every time you show me a new part of yourself I fall in love again, in a more intense way each time. I don't know, I can't stop it, I feel captivated. Like one of those spells you are never able to undo even though you try so hard. I just follow your lead. I don't care, I'm happy. I will only ask for one thing. Can you do me a favour and tell me if I'm doing okay every now and then, please? 


I would take a whisper if that's all you had to give

This is not as complex as it may seem, not a single person on this world should ever apologise for who he is, is not fair. You are who you are and things would be greater if you accepted it, the sooner the better.

People sometimes utter words without being conscious of what they bring with them. Have you ever felt how you wanted  to speak so desperately but nobody would listen? The only way out is through. You have to live it to change it. That's it. It needs some struggle to eventually realise but I promise it would be worth it. When you remember it you won't help but smile. You cannot ask people for what they do not intend to give. However, it might be of interest to pay attention to what they really need, to what they are hopelessly trying to tell the world.


I'd rather hurt than feel nothing at all.

Come on, tell me what's going on, I swear I won't tell anyone, it would remain between these four walls, between you and me. It's magic how safe keeps us when we have a secret we don't tell anyone. It makes us feel safe and warm, as if the world could fall apart, but it did not affect us because we hide inside ourselves. But sometimes what we keep as a treasure could kill us, especially when we don't know why we are holding it. Sometimes we don't realise how bad is it for us until we release it, until we tell the world what we are feeling. Have you ever felt so nervous about a feeling, or something, that you couldn't react? Have you ever felt like constant tiredness and apathy towards some aspects of your life and you can't help but feel overwhelmed?


If you ever feel lost, find me here, let's breathe the same air

I wish I could stop feeling it
I wish I could overcome this.
I wish I could cease the overwhelming feeling of desire that emerges from my soul every time I see your smile
I wish.

Am I growing apart from myself? Is that even possible? I don't know. Have you ever experienced how you start feeling more and more detached from your own life? Maybe you feel you have lost the connection that made you stay where you are. Maybe you feel scared to move on, to take the decisive step that you know will change your life forever. Because, what if you are wrong? what if you make the biggest mistake ever?

Don't you think that the possibilities of a better future are worth taking the risk? Don't you think that is better attempting and failing than never trying?  I do
I've reached a point in my life in which I wonder why everything happens this way. Why do we have to take decisions when we are not ready to do it? I guess that's the way life is. You'll be prepared when you have already done it.

 Have you ever felt how passion shook you so hard that all you want to do is cry? Have you ever felt how your emotions exceeded yourself? 
I have, plenty of times. So, what can we do about it? Nothing at all, just let your feelings invade yourself and enjoy them. It is absolutely amazing what your feelings can say about you. It feels like magic.


It's just a spark but it's enough to keep me going. And when it's dark out and no one's around it keeps glowing.

Inspiration comes up all of a sudden, without being really conscious of it. It's like a spark, that starts shining in the darkness. I cannot explain the whole process that this emotion can bring with it. Nevertheless, let me say that now that I have met her, nothing is going to be the same . It sounds like someone has been living among the shadows, without living at all, just being who everybody wished her to be.
Darkness looks so comfortable. Darkness is lack of problems, lack of things that need to be faced. The day starts bright and full of joy and it only takes a few minutes to destroy the work you've been the whole day through. It is not as easy as it seems, the mind takes it seriously.

However, one day, something changes. Something happens, it could come out of nowhere,  making all the pieces fit together, making this feel like home. It is like nothing has made sense until this very moment. Now you understand it, now you know why. Your life is not gonna be the same ever. Let me say that before this, I had completely lost my hope, my faith, my balance. Losing your equilibrium feels like losing yourself, like not knowing the place you belong to or even who you are. You feel thankful to whatever  made you wake up, that made you finally find yourself.  Maybe I could compare this to the starry night that sleeps above us, infinite. Each time I take one step closer, it goes bigger and bigger as a never ending feeling.


Ich bin da wenn du willst, ganz egal wo du bist.

It's not that I want it, it's just that I miss the memory and who I was through all that. Some days your essence remains stuck so hard by my side that I can barely distinguish what's real and what's not.


You're the Sun and I'm the Moon

The Moon shines bright tonight, reminding me all her potential.
Reminding me that she can stand there whenever she wants.
She is strong. She's there illuminating my way, making sure I don't get lost once again. Because, you know what?  She told me that although she is absolutely sure she can shine upon the Earth on her own, she prefers the warmth and the passion that provides the feeling of being reflected by someone else's light.



I've never thought pretty much about it but today I'm going to try it. I don't really know the way this is going to end, however it looks that it is more complex than what I expected on first place.  I need to know it, I need to know the reason. Let me know it, I need to feel that this is real, is it?. Because when I'm kind of falling into a spiral of darkness, I do not really know how to face it, what do I do in order to avoid the gloom blinding  me? Because everything seems to be perfectly established until, all of a sudden, I get lost. I get lost and  think that this is going to be last time, that there's no returning, no way I can save myself from it, time passes by and each time is harder.
 I need to distract myself, I need to focus the pain on something else, otherwise it will drive me crazy. It is not easy to go away from there, you need to be really strong, and bear in mind that your will is the most powerful weapon you could ever have.



"Loving can hurt. Loving can hurt sometimes, but it is the only thing that  I know"
"Loving can heal. Loving can mend your soul..."

You know what? At a certain point you will realize that what you desire and what you are meant is not always the same. It takes time to eventually be aware of it. It hurts. It disappoints, of course, because you realise that wanting something or somebody so hard is not going to make you have it all of a sudden. Just because you are madly in love with someone does not mean that is written in your destiny. Sometimes is only a chapter in our lives, a path throughout  you will become the person you are now. But you know what? You will finally understand why it was not meant to be, and you'll be thankfull that it was never accomplished.
It is not fair, isn't it? You think that the more you love it, the more you deserve it. However, life does not work this way. You will realise at the end that life always has a better choice for us. It is just that we do not know it yet. 



Nos fundimos en un beso reconfortante, el de la calma tras la tormenta, el que ambos sabíamos que ponía fin a la tensión que habíamos vivido las últimas horas.
-¡Mira! ¡Hay luna nueva esta noche!-Exclamó ella con gran entusiasmo, recordando nuestros inicios, aquella noche de verano en Gran Canaria y todo lo que había traído consigo.
Ella salió a la pequeña terraza, y yo fui tras ella, no sin antes coger a la niña en brazos para que disfrutara del momento con nosotros.
-Pequeña, no pienses que tu madre está loca. Solo recuerda siempre que las noches de luna nueva son las más mágicas, pues la oscuridad no es algo a lo que se le deba temer. Las cosas más hermosas pasan a veces cuando menos lo esperas.
Ella, que me observaba maravillada por mis palabras, sonrió de la manera más increíble que había visto jamás, y buscó las palabras adecuadas para responder. Pero a veces no hace falta más que la hermosa sencillez de una verdad irrebatible.
-Te quiero.
Mis ojos casi centellearon.
-Y yo a ti, preciosa.

Y así, como muro infranqueable, continuamos siendo la familia tan extraordinaria que siempre habíamos sido.



Now you're just somebody that I used to know

Everything keeps going pretty good in your life, it seems that you do not need anything else to be happy,  life still gives you all you've ever needed or dreamt of. However, one day, unexpectedly, something changes. It is as if you were now two puzzle pieces that cannot fit together anymore, as if everything had been only a dream, experiences belonging to another lifetime. This way two people stand trying to find the reasons why they ended up being together. People that used to walk along, that used to hold hands... Everything appears to be distant, remote, as if it did not have connection with you at all. Now,  laughing is no longer true, there is no illusion, not future at all, just frustration. The only matter that remains is frustration,  resentment or bitterness. Perhaps is just pain dressed up in rancour, pain hidden behind these spite feelings simply making the effort of ending this story uninjured. You cannot imagine how heartbreaking can be staying with one person that makes you feel lonelier than the loneliness itself.

Don't deceive yourself, a broken heart is painful. Is harsh, is unbearable, is thinking you are about to die. Is feeling your soul tear into pieces, is missing someone that you truly know is not coming back, is willing to run away even from yourself, is wanting to escape and not looking back...
Nevertheless, falling out of love is another story.

Falling out of love is frustration, is apathy, is boredom. Falling out of love is knowing you are facing a dead end street, is knowing there is no solution at all, is looking yourself falling into a spiral full of indifference and anxiety, is attempting to avoid the final disaster with no success, is closing your eyes to the truth, is looking for apologies and possible responsible ones. You refuse to see it, until one day with any warning the truth is revealed. And there you see. And there will not be time to turn back. There will go the questions you will start wondering; was it even real? did it really happen? Because it will seem so remote to you that you would not be able to distinguish what was real and what was not.


Ojalá que no pueda tocarte ni en canciones

Volví a palpar sus labios, y sin prisa alguna dimos rienda suelta a la pasión que nos unía.

Y fue como fuego, pero un fuego que no quema. Su cuerpo y el mío se convirtieron poco a poco en uno solo. Y  fue tan mágico que tuve hasta miedo, porque los sentimientos entre los dos estaban creciendo de una forma tan desbocada que se me antojaba surrealista.

Pero en aquella primera noche con ella entendí que el amor real es así: incontrolable, absurdo, mágico.

Y lo más hermoso que me había pasado en la vida.

Tan mágico como el tacto de su piel desnuda encajando a la perfección con la mía.



Don't you dare

Don't you dare to tell me I'm beautiful
Until you've seen my scars
That carve my body
And the blood
That pours out of my soul

Don't you dare to tell me I'm lovely
Until I completely shout you out
Because I swore to myself
You're just like the rest
And you'll get sick of me

Don't you dare to tell me I'm flawless
Until you've seen me break down in tears
I'll show you the darkness that consumes me
And you'll run away

But if you
Have seen my scars
And darkness
Then perhaps I believe you

From: https://twitter.com/PoemPorns